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Discover the Journey of Being Complete Without Kids

Key points Points Clés Dicas 

00:00 Discover the Journey of Being Complete Without Kids

00:14 Right?

01:03 Was it something you always loved to do?

01:16 Right?

01:48 Right?

02:43 Did you ever have children?

03:32 What was that?

05:13 What's that?

06:12 Tell me what kind of roller coasters did you go on when you were writing this book?

06:44 Right?

07:04 Scrutiny and criticism together?

07:20 What is it like for you now and are you writing now?

08:12 Isn't it?

08:48 What's the biggest thing that you noticed about your life within this book that you didn't realize before you started on this journey?

09:53 Right?

11:09 You know what I mean?

11:32 You know what I mean?

11:48 So what is your book going to help with in terms of people that didn't or just didn't want to have children?

12:10 Right?

12:26 Right?

12:54 Like a godparent or aunt?

13:47 Why?

14:09 You know?

14:25 Right?

14:48 Right?

15:02 Rude comments from folks on that.

15:22 And you know what?

Discover the Journey of Being Complete Without Kids

Discover the Journey of Being Complete Without Kids

  • Technology's beautiful.
  • I want to welcome you to Dream Chasers Radio with me.
  • Your host,
  • Yaya Diamond.

What's up, peoples?


How you doing?

  • It is a great day,.
  • And I'm so very excited to be here.
  • Let me tell you something.
  • So you guys know I love authors,.
  • Authors complete without kids.
  • Yes!
  • Finally,.
  • Something that I can relate to,.
  • That I can like…
  • Grab a hold of Complete Without Kids.
  • I'm telling you,.
  • Telling you,.
  • Telling you.
  • At 50 years old,.
  • I said to myself,.
  • I want my kids to be grown and out.
  • Well,.
  • I got grown.
  • Out is a little optional,.
  • But grown is always good.
  • So, I want to thank you guys so much for tuning in.
  • We have our author today.
  • Complete Without Kids author,
  • Ellen Walker.
  • Welcome to the show.
  • Thank you so much for joining us.
  • Good morning.
  • Hey.
  • Good morning.
  • Thanks for inviting me.
  • No problem.
  • No problem.
  • So I wanted to say thank you so much for joining us.
  • But also for your brief history.
  • I would love to know,
  • Like,
  • Your background.
  • Like,

How did this happen?

How did you become an author?

By mistake?

Was it something you always loved to do?

  • I mean,

What was it?

  • It was definitely an accident.
  • So I grew up in the deep south,
  • Born in 1960.
  • Everybody there
  • Got married,
  • Had kids,


  • That's just what you did.
  • And so, for some reason.
  • I was a little rebellious.
  • I got married.
  • But I got divorced.
  • And then I got a PhD, and I got really busy with work.
  • I got a dog.
  • And then all of a sudden.
  • I got together with this man who had grown children.
  • And he started talking about how much he loved being a dad.
  • And I thought,
  • Oh my God.
  • Maybe I really screwed up.
  • I forgot to be a mom.
  • And I was like 45 years old.


  • So,
  • I started feeling really bad.
  • I just felt really like a big loser because everybody around me had children.
  • And so,
  • I thought,
  • Well,
  • Maybe I should do a research project
  • and find some people who didn't have kids,
  • interview them,
  • and learn more about.
  • People like Oprah Winfrey.
  • For example,
  • Who,
  • You know,
  • She's not a mom.
  • And.
  • And so, that's what I did.
  • I just put out a call for.
  • You know.
  • People who wanted to be interviewed.
  • And I spent a year writing a book and.
  • And meeting a lot of interesting people and doing some research.
  • And.
  • And it really.
  • It helped me to find peace with where I was in my life.
  • Now, the big question.
  • I'm sorry to interrupt you.
  • The big question is.

Did you ever have children?

  • No.
  • No children.
  • No.
  • And I have dogs.
  • That's good.
  • You can sleep.
  • Yeah.
  • I don't really want kids.
  • I never wanted kids.
  • That's not good.
  • I hear you.
  • Yeah.
  • But the only time I want kids is when I'm walking through Target
  • and I see those cute little.
  • You know.
  • Little outfits.
  • You know what I mean.
  • I do.
  • They're so cute.
  • Oh my gosh.
  • Look how little they are.
  • Yeah.
  • Then you realize how little they are.
  • Yeah.
  • No.
  • Wow.

- So.

  • So your journey is like into writing.

What was that like?

  • I mean,.
  • I know that you went and you researched and everything,.
  • But research is great.

How did you begin this whole thing though?

  • How was the,.

Was the first chapter hard?

Was it simple?

  • I mean,.

What was that?

  • Well,.
  • I did what I usually do.
  • I hired a writing coach.
  • And.
  • I met with her every week.
  • She lived in California.
  • I never met her in person.
  • And she told me what to do.
  • And so I would do the homework assignments and then get back together with her.
  • Now,.
  • That was my first book,.
  • Which was in 2011.
  • And then so much has changed since then,.
  • Of course,.
  • In the world.
  • Back then it was very rare still to hear anything about not having kids.
  • Now everybody's talking about it.
  • Yeah.
  • So I thought I should do a read a second edition.
  • And that one I honestly just.
  • Discipline myself to,.
  • To take time and do it.
  • So.
  • I got you.
  • I got you.
  • Yeah.
  • So many people are having surrogates have the kids now it's like,.
  • .
  • Yeah,.
  • We're having a baby.
  • You're not like,.
  • You're like too skinny and flat.
  • Oh yeah.
  • We hired a surrogate.
  • It's like,.
  • .
  • You paid someone else to use their body to have this baby.
  • That's what you did.
  • Yeah.
  • And people do that now.
  • So,.
  • And also.
  • A lot of people just don't want to.
  • Have kids at all though.
  • They just want to have their careers.
  • They want to get a full.
  • They're just thinking about the future.
  • Yeah.
  • They want to skip the whole pregnancy part.
  • Just go straight to the baby.
  • Just straight.
  • Oh,.
  • They don't even want to have a baby.
  • They want to have fun.
  • Wow.
  • Wow.

- Well,.

  • So your writing process and all that stuff,.
  • You said you really,.
  • Really buckled down and wrote,.

Was it this one or the one before?

This one?

  • Well,.
  • Both of them.
  • Yeah.
  • But I didn't have a coach for this.
  • Wow.

What's that?

  • It's good.
  • Well,.
  • I,.
  • You know,.
  • I'm a psychologist,.
  • So I'm used to writing reports and,.
  • I think it's a great goal for everybody to write a book.
  • And you don't write a book hoping to make a million dollars.
  • You do it for,.
  • You know,.
  • The challenge of doing something that's hard and you've never done before.
  • And it's a good experience.
  • It's a wonderful experience.
  • Yeah,.
  • Definitely.
  • And I want to remind people that your book is up in the corner over there.
  • The QR code is there and also in the description box below.
  • So that way you guys can find it easily.
  • It's also on the Diamond Book Club.
  • If you are a member of the Amazon.
  • Diamond Book Club,.
  • Just go ahead and go in there.
  • And it's already there ready for you guys to go check that out for yourselves.
  • You know,.
  • I absolutely love the fact that,.
  • You know,.
  • What you want and what you don't want.
  • You did not want children.
  • But this book was probably like as close to it.
  • Child as you've ever had.

Tell me what kind of roller coasters did you go on when you were writing this book?

  • Well,.
  • There's a lot of fear of rejection,.
  • Of course,.
  • And especially with this topic.
  • A lot of people will say things to you like,.
  • Oh,.
  • You probably wouldn't have been a good mom anyway,.
  • Or,.
  • Oh,.
  • You must be really cold and selfish.
  • You know,.
  • It could be really helpful.
  • Yeah.
  • That's terrible.
  • And not having kids is sort of like taking the path less traveled,.
  • Of course,.


  • Right.
  • Mm-hmm.
  • Yeah,.
  • It is.
  • But that's
  • Not everybody's meant to have children.
  • Not everybody wants to have kids and that's
  • It's all right.
  • Wow.
  • Wow.
  • I never,.
  • I never,.
  • I never thought that there would be such rejection or scruticism or criticism,.
  • Criticism.
  • Did I say scrutiny,.

Scrutiny and criticism together?

  • It's criticism.
  • That's right.
  • Yeah.
  • Yep.
  • On,.
  • On you not having children.
  • I mean,.
  • Everybody has a life that they want to live.

Why would they even do that?

  • But now that you're past this book and everything and you understand,.

What is it like for you now and are you writing now?

  • I keep a journal,.
  • That's it.
  • Right.
  • My mission now is,.
  • You think about all the decisions we make in our life,.
  • Marriage,.
  • Careers.
  • Whether or not to be a parent is the only decision that you can't go back on.
  • You just,.
  • You can't.
  • And if you,.
  • If you want to have a child and you miss it,.
  • You can't come back when you're 60 years old and say,.
  • Oh,.
  • There we,.
  • Yeah.
  • And so.
  • That's what surrogates are for.
  • And there was a 60 year old lady in India that had a baby.
  • Wow.
  • Wow.
  • And of course,.
  • IV,.
  • But you know,.
  • In vitro,.
  • But.
  • She had it.
  • Yes,.
  • Right.
  • That's crazy,.

Isn't it?

  • Well,.
  • Raising the child is going to be a hell of a lot harder for her.
  • Yeah.
  • So help and younger people that have volunteered to help her
  • and in case something should happen to her,.
  • The child will be taken care of.
  • So she just wanted the experience and she found her mate late in life.
  • So that was her thing.
  • Right.
  • Yeah.
  • I think a lot about…

How do people make that decision?

What are some of the things they can experience?

  • What are some of the things they need to have in place before they have kids,.


  • Yeah.
  • Yeah.

What's the biggest thing that you noticed about your life within this book that you didn't realize before you started on this journey?

  • Well,.
  • I think it was that my life was rich and full.
  • And when I looked around at some other folks,.
  • Some famous people who also didn't have kids,.
  • I could see that their lives were rich and full also.
  • And the other thing is,.
  • I've never been spread so thin,.
  • You know,.
  • Trying to do everything.
  • And I think especially moms.
  • They get fed the idea that they can have it all.
  • And the reality is you really can't,.
  • You're going to have a nervous breakdown.
  • Oh yeah.
  • Oh yeah.
  • And it's very easy to do.
  • It's very,.
  • Very easy to have a nervous breakdown with everything that's coming at you as a mom.
  • And believe me,.
  • I know with the experience of having two children.
  • Yeah,.
  • It is.

Did you know that parenting a child takes on average eight hours a day?

  • I do.
  • I know that.
  • You do,.
  • Because you've lived it,.


  • Yeah.
  • And I homeschooled,.
  • So that was 16.
  • Wow.
  • 16 hours a day.
  • Yeah,.
  • It was 16.
  • It was more like 12 to 16 hours a day,.
  • You know,.
  • And I was a home,.
  • I was,.
  • You know,.
  • I was a homemaker.
  • I was at home.
  • I was taking care of my children at home.
  • I didn't have a job for many years and I homeschooled them.
  • And it was an experience that I will never take back.
  • But it was a learning experience for me.
  • I don't,.
  • If,.
  • You know,.
  • I don't suggest that people send their children off to school if they really want the child to learn at their own pace.
  • Some children are faster than others.
  • You know,.
  • Like you,.
  • I mean,.
  • You were a child.
  • I was a child.
  • And when I was a child,.
  • I learned a lot faster than a lot of other people.
  • And I got bored.
  • So then I became the class clown.
  • It was just the way it was,.
  • You know.
  • So,.
  • You know,.
  • But that's a responsibility that a lot of people don't want to take on.
  • You know,.
  • Your life was full and that's good.
  • That was great.
  • You know,.
  • My life,.
  • I was,.
  • .
  • My,.
  • My son was
  • I'm pregnant.
  • That was what that was.
  • It was like,.
  • .
  • We're pregnant.
  • You know,.
  • It was like on purpose,.
  • But the person was like,.
  • .
  • We're pregnant.

You know?

  • And so that wasn't something that I had planned,.
  • But it,.
  • But my son,.
  • I would never give him up.

You know what I mean?

  • Right.
  • And you figured you had a good support system.
  • I did.
  • You figured it out.
  • Yeah,.
  • I did.
  • I had my mom.
  • I had family,.
  • Friends.
  • My husband was still the same husband I have today.
  • And you can't take it back.
  • But I don't criticize people for not having children.
  • I know what a responsibility that is.

You know what I mean?

  • So in your book,.

What can people expect?

  • People that don't want children,.
  • People that…
  • Never had children.
  • I don't want anyone to feel guilty here.
  • If that's something that you decided or you just couldn't do,.
  • It's fine.
  • It's fine.

So what is your book going to help with in terms of people that didn't or just didn't want to have children?

  • Well,.
  • A lot of advice on things that you need to think about,.
  • Like your estate plan,.
  • For example,.


  • You're not going to have anybody to leave your stuff to.
  • And you're not going to have anybody to take care of you when you get old,.


  • No children.
  • Yeah.
  • How to make sure that,.
  • How to make friends,.
  • For example,.
  • Because it's hard to be the only one without kids when you're,.
  • When everybody around you has like school kids,.


  • Oh,.
  • Yeah.
  • And they're going to birthday parties and soccer games.
  • Yeah,.
  • So just some general advice on those kinds of things.
  • In my family,.
  • If you're a good friend,.
  • You're an auntie.
  • You have responsibilities.
  • You have to bring in the kids.
  • Right,.
  • Yeah.

Is that something that you could do as well?

  • I mean,.
  • Could you be a part of someone else's life that has children to help them with that responsibility,.

Like a godparent or aunt?

  • Absolutely,.
  • Right,.
  • Right.
  • Yeah,.
  • And I've done a lot of that too.
  • You know,.
  • I've met young people and like a server at our favorite restaurant.
  • And he was from a family that didn't have a lot of money
  • and he was going on a trip to Europe.
  • And his last night at work,.
  • He came in and I gave him like $500 and just said,.
  • Thank you so much.
  • I really we appreciated you helping us.
  • I gave a young man a scholarship to college.
  • But I have,.
  • You know,.
  • Because I don't have kids,.
  • I have the money to do that and to do it.
  • Some folks that their own parents can't do it financially.
  • Yeah.
  • And nowadays it costs so much money to have kids.
  • It's ridiculous.
  • It does.
  • Right.


  • And the US economy is,.
  • They're saying,.
  • Economists are saying that we're not having children at the rate that we used to have children.
  • And they're really concerned about the population of the United States
  • because people don't want to have kids,.
  • But obviously they don't want kids.
  • So arm and a leg and a toe to have them,.
  • You know,.
  • It's like,.
  • Forget that,.

You know?

  • Right.
  • Yeah.
  • Yeah,.
  • Well,.
  • And I think that as a society,.
  • We have got to support families and parents and children because that's our future,.


  • Yeah,.
  • Yes,.
  • Yes.
  • I totally agree with you.
  • I totally agree with you.
  • We do have to support them.
  • Well,.
  • I want to thank you so much for being on the show.
  • It has just been such a pleasure having you.
  • Your website,.

Do you have a website or is it just going to be the Amazon?

  • It's
  • Nice.
  • So complete,.
  • I'm going to put that at the bottom,.


  • So let me go ahead and do that.
  • Yes,.
  • And I have a blog on psychology today also.
  • I post articles on anything to do with child-free living.

Rude comments from folks on that.

  • I hear you.
  • So we're going to go ahead and show that complete without
  • The website.
  • Yeah.
  • Awesome.
  • Well,.
  • Thank you so much again for being on the show.
  • I totally appreciate it.
  • It's been such a pleasure to see the other side where you,.
  • You know,.
  • You didn't have children,.
  • But you're fine with that.

And you know what?

  • It's
  • Everybody has their own life they want to live.
  • And I don't.
  • I don't believe in anyone criticizing someone else for their choices that they've made for their lives.
  • Well,.
  • Thank you.
  • And happy,.
  • Happy.
  • Mother's Day to all the moms out there.
  • Definitely definitely it's a good day to celebrate thank you thank you and thank you guys so much for tuning in
  • don't forget to dare to be different
  • but most of all don't forget to check out that book and the website right there
  • we want to thank you guys so much again
  • and don't forget to dare to be different until next time guys bye don't.
  • Forget to follow us on youtuber and instagram thank you for watching.
  • I can't see you there.